Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s budding relationship at the Kansas City Chiefs match has been the most talked about thing on the internet. My entire FYP was flooded with ’87 and 89 within minutes of her cheering on him from a box at Sunday Night Football along with his mother. It’s the same way, even days later. Swifties and the NFL are shipping them, whether you believe it’s real or PR. Swifties have been confused by this news: Travis Kelce’s Taylor Swift is not the same as her usual type (you know, that creative artist who happens to be British). Her glow on Sunday night tells me this could be the reason.
Taylor is teaching us another lesson: that it may be a good idea to date people other than our usual type. We asked experts from Manhattan Wellness for their insight into why we tend to gravitate toward a particular kind of person. They also explained why this can be problematic and why other people (like Kelce, whom we love) should get a second chance.
What does having a type mean?
“Having a type” in dating is when you are drawn to the same kind of person over and over again,” says Lauren Fuchs, LCSW. It could be physical characteristics, common interests, or the way a partner treats you. But if you dig deep enough, you will find a thread that connects one person to another.
You’re certainly not the only one who has dated someone with similar characteristics as previous partners. Stein says that it can be comforting to know what to expect in a romantic partner. We often subconsciously seek out partners who are similar to past partners in order to fix relationships that haven’t worked out or to ‘do better.’ It can be scary to face the unknown, but we might not see the potential that we are missing until we get out of the woods.
What if you date the same kind of person?
I will tell you something that I am not proud of. I had a period where I dated guys from the same group of friends, one after another, who were basically carbon copies of each other. I would be embarrassed and ashamed if I didn’t believe that I wasn’t the only person who has dated the same guy over and over. In retrospect, I can’t understand why I thought the next (and next) time would be better. I would say that, yes, this was a problem, but not always.
It’s perfectly OK to have standards. “At the very end, we all have dating preferences. Fuchs says that if you find yourself dating the same person over and over again, it may be time to try something different. Elizabeth Marks LMSW explains that if you find yourself attracted to someone who won’t commit or doesn’t respect your privacy, then it’s likely that the cycle will continue.
Breaking the cycle: tips
Old dating habits are indeed hard to break, but you can still change them. Manhattan Wellness shares five tips to help you break the cycle of dating only people who are your type.
You can take stock of past relationships by taking a look back at your experiences.
How did you feel with your former partners? Was it possible for you to be yourself, or did someone (or something) hold you back? If you want to pursue a relationship, it should celebrate your uniqueness, passions, and strengths rather than diminishing them.
List the qualities you want in a partner for a long time.
Write down the things that are most important to your heart in a relationship. Focus less on what a person looks like and more on who they really are. What are their values? What is the language of love for them? What is their conflict handling? Do they communicate well? Are they similar to you in terms of their life goals? You will be able to establish a real connection from the first date and date someone with purpose rather than just dating someone because they fit your profile.
You can tell a lot about someone by the way they make you feel.
Instead of focusing on what someone says on paper, consider how they make you feel. Do they show up when you are in need? Do they treat you, your family, and your friends with respect? Do they make you feel secure and safe? Do they give you what you want? It is not the same as feeling comfortable because someone is familiar. It’s not that someone who’s your “type” cannot be the right one for you, but you should consider how they make you truly feel.
Open your mind
Stop swiping left or rejecting a potential partner if you think or say, “Brunettes have never attracted me” or “They do not have the personality type I prefer.” Ask yourself instead if you could benefit from getting to know the person better and seeing what you share in common. If Taylor had continued to date only creatives, she would have missed Travis, who adores and respects her.
Respect yourself and your evolution.
You must recognize this as you return to the dating scene. To experience a true shift, enter new relationships with an authentic and open mind. It can be frightening to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. But if you pick yourself up from the dust, take yourself off, and try something new, it could lead to greatness. You can grow and adapt in your dating life, just like Taylor Swift has done with her music and image. You may form more fulfilling relationships if you embrace change and personal development.
