You may have a strange feeling that your friends secretly dislike you even though you’ve never been given any reason to believe that. You might think they’re laughing at you because they thought something you did on the weekend was weird. You feel these thoughts weighing you down, and you begin to doubt and question your most important friendships. These are just thoughts that come from anxiety. They’re thoughts I have, too.
Many times, I have worried in my life that my best friend doesn’t like me or that we aren’t friends. Spoiler alert! We have been best friends for over 20 years, and she never hated you despite my anxiety. Friendship anxiety is the name of this specific anxious thought. We’ll explore this annoying, if I may say so, anxiety symptom and discuss the ways we can keep these thoughts in check.
What is friendship anxiety?
Many people experience friendship anxiety at some point in their lives. There are many symptoms and causes of social concerns, but friendship anxiety is one of them. According to Healthline, tense worry is a symptom of social problems.
Haley, @YourAnxiousTherapist on TikTok, gives examples of friendship anxiety in a video, sharing, “Friendship anxiety can look like the feeling of always being the ‘replaceable’ friend, always being worried that they’re mad at you or think you’re annoying, being worried that you’ll be left out and not invited somewhere, or fear that one day they will realize they don’t want to be your friend anymore, and they will walk out of your life.” In sharing these relatable examples, Haley shares that nobody is alone in feeling this way.
What is the cause of friendship anxiety?
A variety of factors can trigger anxiety. Social networking and past life experiences may trigger anxiety in some people. According to the American Psychiatric Association, “The causes for anxiety disorders are unknown, but likely involve a mixture of factors, including genetic, environment, psychological, and development.” Anxiety is different from person to person, with varying causes and coping mechanisms. Some people feel anxious when they are in a social setting (social anxiety), while others overthink their interactions with friends and family, resulting in what we call friendship anxiety.
What to do when you feel friendship anxiety
The good news is that friendship anxiety can be managed! Give yourself a little grace, pay attention to your health, and use some of the coping strategies we will share next.
Challenge your Thoughts
It is one of my biggest tips from my therapist, and it helps me when I overthink, especially in relational situations. Take a moment of pause when you are overthinking the state of your friendships or an interaction with a particular friend. Think about the case and what happened at that time, and confront your anxious thoughts.
Take a moment of pause if, for example, you want to know if a friend is having a good time with you or if they are pretending. Was your friend showing signs of not having fun, or did they tell you that they were not having a great time? Did they hug you and tell you that they had a good time? Or did they text you after they returned home to let you know they’d had a great day? If you think the second scenario is realistic, tell yourself that your friend had a great time.
These thoughts are only thoughts. These thoughts are a result of your anxiety and not reality.
Ask for support from your network.
The therapists are well-trained to help us overcome these anxiety thoughts and give us strong coping strategies. I know from my own experience that getting help from a professional is very helpful.
You can also reach out to friends. They can reassure you and make you feel better about your friendship. It helps me to know that I am not the only one who feels friendship anxiety. Tannia Duenas from The Healing Therapist, on Instagram, advises: “Reach out when you need to trusted family members, friends or professionals.” You don’t need to deal with friendship anxiety alone. Share your fears and experiences.
Practice mindfulness
The importance of mindfulness in our overall well-being cannot be overstated. Mindfulness is a skill that you should practice every day, but it can help you to stay grounded in moments of anxiety about friendship. Meditation, journaling, or selecting an affirmation that you repeat to yourself whenever you feel overwhelmed are effective ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life.
You can use a mindfulness technique to help you relax before or after spending time with your friends. Try something simple like repeating an affirmation in front of the mirror, journaling, putting your thoughts on paper, or a five-minute meditation. These small actions can have a huge impact on your mental state, helping you feel more confident and positive before a social event or reducing feelings of anxiety afterward.
Value-based action
Show people who you are by being authentic. Duenas advises, “Clarify the values you hold in your friendships and align yourself accordingly.” Focus on your values and be true to yourself. Remember who you are as a person and what you can bring to a friend. If you are a person who values support, then you should show your friend support. You could do this by being the first person to wish your friend good luck before an important interview or asking how they are doing when you know something is not right. You can keep your feelings of anxiety away by being yourself, being authentic, and not trying to impress others to be “liked.”
