I wrote a post called 6 Signs That You Are in a Toxic Relationship a while back. The article has been viewed over 900 times since it was published. You know that it’s a hit when smart, grown-up websites get paid to post things.
It has helped many people, I believe. It has been a long time since I wrote it. Around two dozen people have emailed me to thank me for their support. It seemed like it was a wake-up call that helped me to accept the fact that sometimes relationships can be a bit too much.
(So, I guess that I’m a home-wrecker but a seller. Sweet.)
Along with the praise, I was also asked a lot of questions, such as “So, if these habits ruin relationships, what behaviors create happy and healthy relationships?” and “Where is an article on what makes great relationships?”. And “Mark, how did your handsomeness come about?”
These are crucial questions. These are important questions that deserve to be answered.
While I was more experienced in making relationships work in my youth than in my later years, I have found that I am more successful in getting it right. So I decided to write a post about learning to communicate, cuddle and watch sunsets with dogs together. These posts are a complete waste of time. You shouldn’t be telling your partner to hold hands while you watch the sunsets together if you love them.
I wanted to write something new. I wanted to write something different about important issues in relationships. These include things like fighting, hurting one another’s feelings, dealing with dissatisfaction, and feeling occasional attraction for others. These are common, everyday issues in relationships that are often overlooked because it’s easier to talk about sunsets and puppies.
So, I wrote this first article’s bizarro brother. This article explained how many culturally accepted relationships can lead to infidelity, trust, and sadness. This article will explain how lasting relationships can be achieved by embracing traits that are not consistent with our traditional definitions of love and love.
LISTENING TO SOME UNRESOLVED CONFLICTS
John Gottman is a guy who’s almost like Michael Jordan in relationship research. He has been researching intimate relationships for over forty years and is the one who invented it.
Gottman invented the “thin-slicing” method of slicing relationships. He hooks up couples to a series of biometric devices, then records them having brief conversations. Gottman then analyzes each frame of the conversation, looking at biometric data and body language. He also looks for specific words. Then, he combines all this data to determine whether or not your marriage is a sucking one.
His “thin-slicing” method boasts an astonishing 91% success rate in predicting whether newly married couples will divorce in 10 years. This is a remarkable result for any psychological study (Malcolm Gladwell discusses Gottman’s findings in his bestselling book. Gottman’s seminars have a 50% success rate in saving marriages that are not working than traditional marriage counseling. His research papers have been awarded enough academic awards to cover the entire state of Delaware. He’s also the author of nine books about intimate relationships, marital therapy, and the science behind trust.
John Gottman will make a mockery of you if you try to understand what makes long-term relationships work.
He found that many happy married couples had persistent unresolved problems. Some of these couples have been married for over 40 years. Many failed couples insist on solving fucking all issues because they believe there shouldn’t be any disagreements between them. Soon, there was also a void of a relationship.
Successful couples understand and accept that conflict is inevitable. There will always be things they don’t like about their partner or disagreements with them. That’s okay. It’s not necessary to try to change someone to love them. You shouldn’t allow disagreements to get in the way if you want to have a healthy and happy relationship.
Sometimes, trying to resolve a conflict may cause more problems than it solves. Some battles are just too difficult to win. Sometimes, it is best to live and let live.
Having the will to hurt each other’s feelings
Because she cares so much about her appearance, my wife spends a lot of time in front of the mirror. Nights before we go out, she often comes out of the bathroom after an hour-long makeup/hair/clothes/whatever-women-do-in-there session and asks me how she looks. Although she is usually beautiful, every now and then, she will try something new with her hair. Or wear boots that a Milan fashion designer thought were unique. It just doesn’t work.
She usually gets upset when I tell her that. As she walks back to the closet, she starts to spit out a lot of four-letter words. Fortunately, they are in Portuguese. Sometimes she even throws some at me.
This is a common tactic used by men to make their wives happy. I don’t. Why? Because honesty is more important than feeling good. I shouldn’t ever have to be strict with the woman I love.
I am blessed to be married to a woman who believes in honesty and is open-minded. I’m called out by her on my bullshit occasionally, and that is one of the best qualities she has for me as a partner. Yes, I get a bit upset and sometimes complain, but I always come back to her and realize that she was right. Holy crap, she makes me a better person, even though I hated listening to her truth-telling.
