It’s exciting and nerve-racking to date. Sorting out the love Bombers from the catfishes is not an easy task. It doesn’t help when people lie about what they want and how they feel. This is why ghosting is used so often to describe the disappearing act that someone performs out of nowhere, even if they are not interested. Today, there is a new word to describe the act of teasing someone: breadcrumbing. We want to protect our girls and explain what breadcrumb really is. We also give you some tips on how to spot it.
What is breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is the act of sending flirty messages via text, social media, or email without any real intention of commitment. This is a common way daters experience rejection, along with ghosting or not responding to texts. These “crumbs,” while keeping your attention, are not enough to reassure you or make you feel confident about the direction of the relationship.
You’ve probably encountered a breadcrumber at least once in your life. Breadcrumbers tend to be non-committal and will rarely, if ever, follow through on plans. They are also notorious for leaving you hanging. A breadcrumb may ignore or ignore your last-minute requests to meet, cancel, or change plans, interact with you via social networking while ignoring your texts, give you date suggestions without following through, or ignore you over a long period before reaching out. It’s so annoying.
What To Look For When You Find Breadcrumbs
All of us have been busy, forgetful, and flaky. These are minor transgressions, but for breadcrumbers, they’re part of their everyday life. Although no two breadcrumbs are alike, there are some red flags that they all share. Knowing what to look out for will make it easier to detect breadcrumbs.
Attention to their behavior
Breadcrumbers can be inconsistent and non-committal. You might feel like you are the center of the universe one day and then dirt under your shoe the next. It’s important to be aware of their behavior because actions are more powerful than words. Breadcrumbers tend to be hot and cold. They disappear out of nowhere or when the conversation gets serious, only to reappearish days or even weeks later. Be aware of their mood changes and behavior, as well as how often they appear to change.
Note their level of interest.
You can easily gauge someone’s level of interest electronically. Note how they react when you suggest a meeting. Are they enthusiastic about the idea or suddenly too busy? The way they react can tell a lot. If they keep coming up with the same excuses for not being able to hang out, it could mean that they are not as interested as you and don’t want to take things any further. You might want to stop asking if they say “stuck at work” or are “busy with their family” every time you suggest a meeting.
Feel the difference
It shouldn’t be stressful or difficult to love someone. Be aware of how you feel when you’ve spoken to someone. Do you feel frustrated 99.99%? You are unable to understand their behavior and words. Do you feel even more confused after talking to them? These are usually warning signs that something’s not right.
How to Avoid Breadcrumbs
You can call out the behavior of others.
You should call someone out for their behavior if you suspect they are a breadcrumb. It will allow you to start a conversation that you both need to have. You can also let them know subtly that you are aware of their behavior and that they’re not succeeding in their efforts to trick you. This will also allow them to clarify any miscommunications they may have had or any personal issues that they are currently facing.
Being honest, open, and kind is the best way to approach this. Do not wait until you are at the breaking point before having this conversation. It would be best if you were honest and upfront about your expectations.
Example of how to begin a conversation:
- I understand that our schedules conflict, but I think it’s very important that we meet to continue this relationship. Let me know if that’s something you are not interested in. We can then go our separate ways.
- You haven’t replied to my texts in a few days despite reading them. This has been extremely frustrating for me. I understand that you are busy, but I need someone to keep me informed and to let me know when something comes up.
- I’m getting the feeling that we’re not on the same page at the moment. I want someone serious about finding a partner and wanting to settle down for the long haul. What do you want?”
Set boundaries
Set boundaries to prevent getting caught in a back-and-forth entanglement. Decide what behaviors you are willing to tolerate from a partner and which you will not tolerate. You may, for example, be open to pursuing a relationship with a person who is only available every other weekend. However, you might not be interested in a partner who holds radically different political views. Whatever you decide, don’t compromise your boundaries to accommodate others’ needs or behaviors.
Make definitive plans with your children.
Making plans with a loaf of bread is like chasing someone around in circles. You can choose a date, time, and location to meet up, whether they suggested it or you did. They will likely accept your suggestion if they are not trying to sabotage you. If they do, they may even offer other times and dates that suit them better. This shows they are committed to the relationship and want to go further.
A breadcrumb, on the other hand, will avoid making a commitment to the meeting, canceling at the last moment, or coming up with some lame reason why they cannot attend. Take this as a sign that you should move on. Tell them you are moving forward. Say something like: “Your schedule seems very busy right now, so please reach out when you can.”
Respect and acknowledge your own needs and worth
Breadcrumbers are known to make others believe that they have something wrong. This is not true. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone. Being true to your own needs and yourself will save you from a lot of heartache. You should move on if they don’t offer what you want. You may find it hard, and they will try to entice you with promises and hopes, but you’ll benefit from moving on. Few people will give you what they promise, and you won’t find the right relationship in a bad relationship.
