Perhaps you’re one of the people who shudder whenever they hear “vulnerability.” Maybe being more vulnerable makes you uncomfortable and brings images of sitting around the campfire with your hands in a circle. At the same time, you lament that your friend’s not able to have the same feelings for you as you do for him or something else.
So, let me inform you that vulnerability is much simpler, less arduous, yet superior to all the preconceived notions, wishy-washy ones that you may have.
Take a minute to laugh at me as I read through this list, and let me know which of the following pertains to you.
You are always entangled in boring conversations because these topics are “safe” and shallow, and you’re not at risk of offending or inciting someone else by using them.
There’s nothing you can do. You’re trapped in a life or job you don’t like simply because others always told you they thought it would be a great idea. You don’t want to disappoint or disappoint anyone else.
You’ve not trained or groomed yourself as you should because you didn’t want to be noticed.
Being dressed well can make one feel uncomfortable.
Smiles at strangers make you feel uncomfortable.
The thought of asking someone to meet you in person is scary due to the possibility of rejection.
All of these are signs of a deeper issue: the inability to put yourself vulnerable.
We’re not taught to be able to freely express our emotions. Because of our family circumstances and the trauma of childhood, perhaps your parents did not communicate their feelings either. We’ve learned the habits deeply embedded in us that have kept us shut down.
Be a non-controversial person. Don’t be distinctive. Don’t be “crazy,” “stupid,” or “selfish.”
I was exactly like you. I was scared of someone who didn’t like me all my life. The thought of anyone disliking me, whether male or female, would be enough to keep me awake at midnight. In the end, everything I did was centered around pleasing people, avoiding my mistakes and, covering up my mistakes, deflecting blame on other people.
The whole thing may sound like a jumble and modern. It’s not.
Connecting with people through vulnerability, instead of overcompensating and trying to convince everyone else to be like you, will result in some of your most enjoyable interactions and relationships.
Vulnerability is an essential concept throughout my writing, ranging from relationships and dating to choosing a profession that you love and getting connected with your surroundings–all aspects of it.
It’s probably also one of the least understood ideas I discuss in my writing. Therefore, I’m here to make it clearer.
Be assured that I will not force you to gather around the campfire alongside me and sing about how wonderful we are all in our hearts… but it could be equally tricky at times.
However, I assure you that you will be rewarded in the end. I guarantee it.
WHAT VULNERABILITY IS
Many people, especially those who’ve spent their whole life hiding their feelings–have difficulty determining what vulnerability means.
It’s understandable. Some actions that appear signs of vulnerability from afar can be highly manipulative and arousing, i.e., the contrary of exposure.
We’ll come back to them soon. However, first, let me be sure that we know what actual vulnerability means:
That’s it. It’s as simple as expressing your feelings, thoughts, or desires regardless of what others consider your ideas.
It could be as easy as praising someone for how beautiful they appear, introducing a gorgeous stranger, establishing clearly defined boundaries, or showing love for anyone.
It could mean placing yourself in a situation in which you’re likely to be disregarded by a person who may not be funny, expressing an opinion that might offend others, and seated at an event with people who you don’t know, or telling that someone you’re interested in them.
Being vulnerable is as easy as doing these actions. While being more vulnerable is easy but it’s not always straightforward.
This is because all of these require that you stick yourself emotionally in a particular manner. This is risky and can have natural consequences for being vulnerable.
The key to vulnerability is ensuring you’re willing to take the risk regardless of what.
You might be offensive to some people. You could turn people off. Losing a friend, a customer, or even a romantic partner is possible.
But vulnerability is the only way to genuine human connection. According to Robert Glover said in No More Mr. Nice Guy, “Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.”
Be honest about your flaws. Do not try to appear perfect. Be yourself and be yourself without censorship. Accept the bumps and rejections and continue moving forward as you’re more powerful and stronger.
WAYS TO BE MORE VULNERABLE
In the wake of accepting vulnerability and embarking on the path to a genuine human connection, I’d like to give you a few ways to become more vulnerable in everyday life. These examples enable you to appreciate the subtleties the value by opening up your vulnerability in the eyes of others.
ADMIT YOU SUCK AT SOMETHING
Think about it: if someone is terrible at something–whether it’s their golf swing or high-stakes business negotiations–there’s nothing more cringe-worthy than when they openly brag about how good they are at it.
However, when someone is willing to admit they dislike something, you’re likely to be more enthused because of it (as long as they’re overly concerned about it).
If you have difficulty dating, tell a friend about it. Ask for suggestions on what you could do to improve.
If you’re having trouble getting to know people at work and think it’s impacting your work performance, Tell your colleagues you’re having trouble and ask them if they have any suggestions to offer you.
The important thing lies in not trying to become someone you aren’t. You are who you are, your flaws, and everything else. People will perceive this as extremely confident behavior and react similarly.
