The term “golden retriever boyfriend” has been resurrected in the Barbie movie with Ken, who is said to have a lot of golden retriever energy. What does it mean to have “golden retriever energy,” and is it as beneficial as it sounds? Golden retrievers may be adorable, but there are some red flags you should watch out for if it seems like you have a golden Retriever partner or boyfriend. We’ll explain what this means and show you how to tell if you’ve got one. Plus, we will share four red flags that you should be aware of to help you decide when to leave Mojo Dojo.
What is a Golden Retriever Boyfriend?
The term “golden retriever boyfriend” was popularized in 2021 when people began posting pictures of their golden retriever partners on social media. This led to the true definition of a “golden retriever boyfriend”: someone who is easygoing and can maintain a fulfilling and happy relationship. It sounds pretty good, right?
Before we can jump to this conclusion, let’s acknowledge a few things about the phrase “golden retriever boyfriend.” The majority of men who are posted on TikTok by their girlfriends under this hashtag tend to be white and blonde, which gives the term a racialized aspect. In addition to this, the word itself generally refers to straight couples, and the hashtag #goldenretrievergirlfriend has over 100 million fewer views than #goldenretrieverboyfriend.
As fantastic as the description of a golden retriever boyfriend may seem, examples in pop culture show where the label’s positive attributes fall short in relationships. In television and films, golden retriever boyfriends include characters such as Ken from The Barbie and Nate Archibald in The Gossip Girl.
This can be manifested in wonderful ways like Nate taking care of Blair in *that* Gossip Girl Thanksgiving Episode. This can manifest in disturbing ways, like Ken demanding Barbie to be his “long-term, long-distance, low-commitment girlfriend.”
How can you tell if your golden retriever boyfriend has positive or negative traits? Be on the lookout for red flags.
Golden Retriever red flags that you should be aware of
You can’t spend time away from them
It’s common to hear words like “Codependency,” but we don’t really know what they mean. Therapy speak aside. At first glance, it seems great to have a partner that is always by your side. It is important to maintain your independence and enjoy socializing. In many of the TikTok videos with the tag “golden retriever boyfriend,” women share how much their partners love them, either in terms of proximity or amount of time. If you believe you have a golden retriever partner, you should make sure you communicate with them about the amount of time they spend together.
You are responsible for things you don’t have to be.
You will know from Barbie that the main lesson in the movie is women cannot help men find themselves. Barbie tells Ken that he should sort out his identity crisis instead of being his “long-term low-commitment casual friend.” It’s also important to be aware of times when you may be carrying a partner’s emotional or physical burden. In a past relationship, I was a victim of my inability to solve problems. This is a disservice both to you and your golden retriever partner.
They expect to be praised for being a great partner.
Barbie reveals another characteristic of golden retriever men, which is also shared by the “wife guy.” Many of the traits attributed to ‘golden retriever girlfriends’ should be expected in most romantic relationships. According to an article in Elite Daily about the golden retriever trend, “According to TikTok, loyalty, cheerfulness, and a puppy-like disposition create the perfect partner.” Canine metaphors aside, shouldn’t we expect our partners to be loyal and excited to have time with us, too? It’s a warning sign if your golden retriever is aware that they are a Golden Retriever and wants praise from others for their loyalty and enthusiasm.
When called out, they do not respond well.
Accountability is key in any relationship. In adult relationships, you will be angry at times with your partner. In romantic relationships, there is conflict, and it’s important to voice your concerns. We normalize the notion that a man who is loyal and extroverted is above criticism when we romanticize things like “the golden retriever boyfriend.”
You can spot red flags by observing how your golden retrievers react when you raise concerns about your relationship. My ex-golden retriever boyfriend would usually respond with understanding when I asked him to change something about our relationship. But he always would add the phrase, “I’m so sorry for being such an awful boyfriend,” as though he were scolding his behavior. This phrase made me feel bad and shifted the conversation from my original concern to console him. You may love your golden retriever partner, but no one (or relationship, for that matter) is immune to human error. Both of you must be able to recognize this. They might be worth keeping if they can see past the binary of “bad boy” and “good boy.”
