Many people reevaluate their lives and set new goals for the New Year, hoping to improve them. You might consider a “relationship reset” in the new year. This could mean repairing, challenging, or ending relationships that no longer serve you.
Relating to your closest friends and family members can help you be more mindful of how you interact with them. It can result in more fulfilling and enjoyable relationships, a huge benefit for your mental and physical health. Here are some ways to do it.
Work out your relationship values
What are you most proud of in your relationships? These core values could be included in your relationship:
- Companionship
- Respect
- Trust
- Empathy
- Vulnerability
- Commitment
- Communication
- Fun
- Learning
- Adventure
Consider which values are most important to you, and think about how your relationships with others are aligned with them. It is normal for some relationships to focus more on one value than another.
Ask your partner, friend, or family member about their values in a relationship. Once you have done this, you can begin to look at ways to align your relationship with your values.
Then you can choose to be more deliberate about how your relationship is nurtured in the future. If you and your partner identify fun as a relationship value, then schedule some time together for activities you love.
It might be time to repair or terminate relationships that don’t align with your core values. It cannot be easy to deal with this situation, so it is worth seeking professional support.
If you have concerns about abusive, violent, or unhealthy behavior in your relationships, please call 1800 RESPECT (800 737 732)
Different relationships fulfill different needs.
It is unrealistic to expect one partner to fulfill all your needs. Although society tells us that a romantic partner will satisfy all our needs once they find it, this can cause more stress and pressure on our relationship.
Different people bring different things to our lives. One friend might be very fun, while another friend may be more open and vulnerable. It is important to recognize your strengths and match them to your needs. It’s possible to list all of the important relationships in your life and identify one strength within each. Your friend Nina might be great at listening, but your partner may show affection by performing practical tasks.
You could commit to meeting new people in the New Year if you feel your relationships are not fulfilling your needs or missing close connections. Meetup.com, your community college, or Facebook groups based upon common interests are all options.
What’s working and what’s not?
Write down two columns for each relationship that you are focusing on. One column should be for the positive aspects and one for the areas that need improvement. These could be things like ‘The chores were split evenly’ and “They make me laugh” or ‘I don’t feel heard’ and ‘I would prefer more physical affection’.
Take some time to notice what is working well and what isn’t. Are you able to work on the things that aren’t working, or can you change them? Make a list of things you could do differently if you are able. You can’t change it, but you can consider whether you can accept it. Sometimes, it’s necessary to compromise our values to maintain our relationships. We won’t always agree on everything. Learn how to decide whether you will stand firm or give in to the temptation to compromise your values.
Last, Thank you for all the good things. You can say something like:
Take a look at the relationship lessons’ from lockdown
Lockdowns have been difficult for many relationships in recent years. However, don’t let it get you down. Many lessons can be learned and unanticipated benefits that may have resulted.
- Being in touch with loved ones via the internet, allowing you to expand or deepen your social network.
- Spending more time with your family or partner.
- Improving your communication style or conflict resolution skills.
- Spend more time with yourself. This will allow you to reflect and explore your values.
The lessons from lockdown can be very valuable. Take the time to think about what you want to do next.
The most important conversations
Once you’ve identified your values and needs, as well as what is and doesn’t work, you can begin to communicate these in your relationships. It would help if you decided what is most important to yourself, your relationship’s nature, and what will lead to productive conversations.
Set a clear boundary. Be firm and specific about what you will or won’t accept. You can communicate a need by using an “I” statement. For example, “I would love to spend more time together if…” Let’s have a conversation about what we could do ?’).
These conversations can be awkward, but you’ll be grateful you asked.
Always keep an eye on your relationships.
You can’t expect your relationships to change overnight. Remember to be patient and keep your values and needs in mind. You deserve loving, supportive relationships.
These steps can be used to assess your relationships at any point in the year. You can adapt and adjust as necessary. You can celebrate small changes and positive improvements in your relationships.
Take good care of yourself in the new year.
The new year is a great opportunity to evaluate and improve your relationships. However, this work must be done regularly to maintain healthy, happy relationships. It can be not easy to reevaluate your relationships in this manner, especially if some are not aligned with you. As you work to improve your relationships with others, remember to take care of yourself. You can practice self-care by making positive self-talk and doing things that make you happy.
