Do You Ask, “Why Do I Feel Guilty All The Time?” Feeling Guilt is an issue that we help our clients deal with. Feeling guilty about anything can happen in our everyday lives. It can lead to feelings of shame, depression and anxiety. Guilt can be triggered by a variety of situations, including worrying about work performance, setting limits with family or friends, or asking for what you need in a romantic relationship.
We are all still figuring out this “life” thing. We all make mistakes and learn from them. We also have times of intense internal conflict. You can’t blame us when you look at all the conflicting and heavy messaging we receive from society, culture, family, religion, friends, social media, etc, about what is “good” or “bad” or “right” or “wrong.” Sometimes, this message does not align with how we truly feel, thus making life more complicated, and unpleasant feelings such as Guilt and anxiety can manifest in uncomfortable ways.
Modern Love Counseling is a group that consists of therapists who support issues and desires centered on relationships, intimacy, and sexuality. As a result, Guilt and shame are often discussed. The topics we focus on, no matter how progressive or accepting the frame of mind is becoming, can still inherently cause Guilt. There’s rarely a “normal” or 100% correct answer.
We are all “human” to have internal conflicts when it comes to being ourselves in our relationships and sexuality. We are hesitant to reveal our vulnerability because it is not something we do easily. It can be overwhelming to think that we might lose someone we care about or harm them. Our hearts and conditioned minds can easily be at war with each other.
We often hear one partner in a monogamous relationship express Guilt when they refuse their partner’s request for sex. Meanwhile, the other partner is expressing Guilt over wanting to have sex. We often hear singles say Guilt about not wanting to socialize every weekend, about setting a boundary with their parents or wanting to end toxic relationships with friends, co-workers/jobs, or lovers. We have probably heard the same themes in almost every scenario that a client brings to us.
Self-care is a challenge.
You will likely feel constant Guilt if you have difficulty taking care of yourself in an exclusively-for-you way. You are trying to force an inauthentic behavior on yourself because you’re operating from someone else’s needs or expectations (or what you perceive as someone’s needs/expectations). This can manifest as being reactive or grumpy, constantly apologizing, not being engaged or present, or having conflict over spending money on oneself. You might also feel guilty for wasting time, for not doing enough work, for “overindulging,” for saying something, for having sex, for letting things pile up, and so on. You are neglecting an important part of yourself when you don’t take care of it. You may be a people-pleaser and feel guilty when you take care of yourself. It would be best if you began by telling yourself you deserve to take care of yourself. Why? It is essential to your overall health and growth. You can start by taking time for yourself to do nothing, doing an exercise that fulfills your soul, not your ego. Or you can journal your feelings and thoughts or take a nap in the middle of the day.
You fear failure.
It’s important and natural to fail or struggle sometimes. This is a part of the journey. We can feel shame if we don’t allow ourselves to learn from our mistakes or do not accept them as lessons. This can manifest as having high expectations for yourself or others, feeling constantly disappointed, feeling like you have let others down, feeling guilty for not being perfect, or needing help. It is important to take the time to process your fears of failure and to determine if they are disproportionate. List the positives that can be derived from your failures, disappointments, and setbacks. What can you take away from them?
You may have unresolved traumatic experiences.
It is normal to feel guilty at times. It can be a response to over-committing, having high expectations, etc., but if it is a constant and persistent feeling of Guilt, then you may have buried wounds of not being worthy. Trauma can cause this response. People can believe they are not worthy of love or attention if they have experienced neglect, abuse, accidents, etc. Therapy can help you discover your why and help you establish a more loving belief about yourself.
You worry that you’re morally wrong.
The reasons 3 and 4 are often interconnected. You may be experiencing anxiety over moral wrongness if you grew up with strict parents, religious messages, or racial/ethnic/gender oppression. You may need to take some time to examine your hidden needs, desires, and feelings if you have difficulty determining what you feel is morally right. To gain a different perspective, try having more conversations with your friends or peers about topics that are heavy for you.
