A significant step in a relationship is to say, ” I Love You.” Love is a sign of future intimacy and covenant. How do you know when to say “I love you”? As with many other relationship decisions discussed here, the timing of I loves you will vary for every couple. Biblical principles should still guide this individuality. These are questions to which God provides His wisdom.
Josh and I first started dating eight days ago. But we had already built a close friendship before we began dating. Before we became boyfriend and girlfriend, we knew that we were friends. Although eight days of “I love you” was too early for many couples, these principles guided us. These principles can help you decide when those three words should be said, no matter where you are in your relationship.
When you say, I love… it’s not based on emotion
Before Josh came along, I was in an intimate relationship with someone who quickly turned into a physical one. Sometimes, the physical aspect of my relationship led me to believe that I loved the guy I was with, even though it wasn’t something I liked. I mistakenly thought that an emotional high was the same as covenant love.
Emotions are directly linked to sexual behavior. This is why I challenge you to think before you make out, to honor God’s design, and to protect your intimate self. Your purity is protected when you celebrate sexuality in God’s ways. You can approach relationships objectively if God’s standards are first. While emotions can still play an essential role in your decision-making, they will not dictate it. If Christ is placed before your relationship, it will give you the wisdom to determine if you mean “I Love You” in the biblical (not just emotional) sense.
When you say I love…, it means “love” as used in the biblical sense
What is the biblical definition of love? In the “love passage” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8), Paul, the apostle, gives us an excellent outline.
“Love is patient, and love is kind. It doesn’t envy, boast or be proud. It doesn’t dishonor other people, it’s not self-seeking, and it doesn’t get angry easily. Love doesn’t delight in evil but rather rejoices in the truth. It protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, and always looks for the good. Love never fails.”
Love is permanently active. Biblical love can be doing something or not doing anything: It is patient and playful but NOT impatient. It is actively kind and not rude. It is a huge responsibility to love someone. We mean more when we say “I Love You,” but it’s not just saying that.
“I will be patient with you. I will be kind to your needs. I will not be jealous, condescending, or arrogant toward you. I will honor you and put you first. I won’t get angry easily. I will not keep track of your mistakes. Because I love you, I will uphold the purity of spirit, mind, and body. I will defend your reputation and person. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. You can have hope where none exists. To make it work, I will push through the difficulties.”
No wonder Paul concluded by saying, “Love never fails.” This type of love, when lived actively every day of your life, can fail. But humans can.
I do not believe you felt intimidated by the weight of “I Love You.” It is a powerful proclamation. You must have a loving relationship with Jesus Christ to live this way.
When you’ve established a trust foundation, say I love you
How could Josh and I say “I love you” so quickly when we had to bear the weight of our declarations? We said that we loved each other faster than any average couple, even though we had both vowed not to say “I Love You” until we understood the 1 Corinthians 13 way. This fact was in our wedding vows.
Josh and I felt at peace, quickly saying “I Love You” because we had established a trust foundation. Before we were together, we were close friends. Through some difficult times, we counseled one another. We knew we loved each other as friends and quickly realized we were ready to be there for one another over the long term. We were willing to make a covenant of love.
What if Josh and I had split up? What if Josh and I had broken up? Would the “I love you!” have been wasted on us? I don’t believe so. Any love you show can be used to serve God’s kingdom if you are faithful in your relationships. If you love someone in biblical terms, it honors God. It is possible to love more people than one person because of the biblical definition of love. No matter our relationship status, we are called to love Christ as Christ loved us.
Because of its biblical meaning, “I love” should not be taken lightly. Because of its biblical sense, love transcends our relationships with others. Christ-like love transcends emotion. It endures even after a split. It has a kingdom effect that we sometimes need help understanding or seeing. That’s why the power of love is so strong! Even though we might fail, the love of Christ within us will not.
