Many people wait so long for the ” Spark” and that happy, ever-after feeling that they forget that a relationship does not just happen. Like any worthwhile accomplishment in your life, it takes work. Don’t panic if the word “work” makes you sweat RN. When you are with the right partner, relationship work should be fulfilling, enjoyable, and worth it. We’re all busy and anxious. And we probably won’t be able to think past the next seven days (nope. Just me?). Here are ten simple things that you can do to improve your relationship today.
When you first started dating, do one thing that you did.
There are a lot of perks to a brand new relationship: butterflies, long conversations getting to know each other, can’t-keep-hands-off-each-other chemistry. There are also the benefits of being in a relationship for a long time: feeling secure and comfortable, having a plus-one, and not having to shave legs. What if I said that you could bring some of the pros from your beginning relationship back? Remember the early routines that you and your partner shared. You may have given more compliments or dressed up more to impress your partner. Or you might have gone on more imaginative dates rather than ordering takeout and watching Netflix. Try to bring at least one of your rituals, dates, or jokes back this week to rekindle the butterflies and long conversations you experienced at the start.
Talking about Money
Money issues may be the least romantic topic to discuss, but experts in the field agree that they are a leading cause of divorce. It is important to get on the same page and normalize the talk about money early on. This will not only help you avoid future financial issues but also increase your intimacy and trust. Schedule a time when you can go through your bills and discuss saving for a home or how to divide up pet expenses. It may not be an activity that you enjoy, but it is important. You can still talk about money if you are in a relationship that is new and you don’t share any responsibilities.
Every day, ask, “How was your day?”
Asking your partner, “How was your morning?” is one of the easiest and most effective ways to improve your relationship. It would be best if you cared about their answer rather than making it a routine question. Perfection of the art of conversation is key: Make your partner feel heard by asking follow-up questions rather than just listening. Please share your thoughts or opinions (only) after they are done talking. If your partner believes that you are interested in more than just what they say and you want to be involved, you will subconsciously create a higher level of intimacy, teamwork, and love.
Give and receive constructive criticism.
You should feel accepted and safe if you are in a healthy relationship. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you should both feel accepted and safe. It’s important to understand that constructive criticism helps you work together as a team and cover each other’s blind spots in order to achieve your best relationship. Two heads are better than one. Giving supportive feedback builds trust, care, and teamwork.
Tell your partner to call their sister or give them a tip on how they could improve their presentation at work. Ask them to tell you how you could enhance a work project or how they’d handle a particular situation with a colleague. What is not? Critiquing what your partner can’t change, such as their personality or needs. If you are worried about constructive criticism (or if it becomes an argument), you may be approaching it in a more critical way than productive. Or your relationship could need more growth.
Schedule sex
Yes, really. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you know spontaneous sex doesn’t happen when you have a busy schedule. You may be putting the kids to sleep or working late at night. Even if you do, it feels like a chore. (hurry up! We’re going to wake up in 5 hours!). Scheduling intimacy can be a great way to prioritize intimacy and stay connected. It also increases the anticipation of sex when you know that it is coming. You might want to remind your partner all day long for extra romance points. ).
Consider arguments from the perspective of a third party.
The original love life hack called “The Marriage Hack” became a viral phenomenon for a good reason. The fancy term is a way to view conflicts and disagreements from the perspective of a third party who has the best interests of all parties in mind and realizes the obstacles that each person faces while trying to see things differently. This method helps to reduce the emotional impact of a conflict by reframing the situation in a way that enables you to understand your partner and how to resolve the issue. It’s DIY couples therapy! The Marriage Hack is a great tool to help you reframe the way you communicate with your spouse or partner and how you resolve conflicts.
Read Together
Do you remember the last scene from Notting Hills where Hugh Grant reads an intelligent-looking book on a park bench while Julia Roberts lies on his lap watching children play? (Oh yeah, they’re hand in hand). This scene is not only rom-com gold but also one I often think about. They must have talked about so many interesting things after spending time together: what Hugh had read or what Julia observed while watching the children play. Reading together or separately can lead to meaningful conversations and deeper bonds.
If work updates have dominated your recent conversations, reading the book you’ve always wanted to read or the favorite college book of your partner will spark new and exciting conversations. It will also help you build a stronger relationship. Bonus: When you’re just the two of you, it’s easier to organize a book group.
Have a check-in
It may sound corny, but couples who regularly check in are usually more in sync and communicate better. Consider this: Just as you go to the doctor for a regular check-up to maintain your health, your partner and you should also do a routine check-in to keep your relationship strong. You can schedule a time to check in on each other and see how they feel about various aspects of your relationship. Discuss topics such as workload, housework, and whether you both feel they are being shared equally. Also, ask if the other is satisfied with the way the other expresses love language. Ask what the other can do to make you happier or more loved.
