We’ve heard for months how much men talk about the Roman Empire. The TikTok trend did not just reveal that the movie 300 is a must-see for many men in our lives, but it also made us wonder what women think about it. The rise and decline of a republic is not what women often think about. Instead, they focus on the bank of a friendship.
Jade Brandt, a lifestyle influencer on TikTok, said: “The female Roman Empire is her ex-best friend.” “I’ve been through a big breakup with a best friend, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. It hurt more than any breakup in a romantic relationship. You know if you are a woman.
Brandt’s video has received over 3,000 comments, and many videos express similar sentiments. Why are women so consumed with thoughts of their former best friends? And is there anything that they can do to stop it? We’re digging into it.
Why do women still think of their former best friend?
This is a very popular theory. When a friendship is broken, the feelings and memories shared are not forgotten. At one point, this person knew all your secrets, shared your inside jokes, and loved you just as you were. You… stop talking? It’s not easy to shake that off and move on.
Breakups between friends can be heartbreaking. But they are also very common. It’s not uncommon for women to have their best friends become ex-besties, either because of a fight or a mutual decision or simply growing apart through the years. Research shows that most people will lose their closest friendships within seven years.
You may feel guilty or ashamed over a “failed friendship.”
But unlike romantic relationships, where breakups happen frequently, people expect friendships to last for a lifetime. (Hence phrases like “make new friends but keep the old”) You may feel a range of emotions, including grief, sadness, and anger. There could also be feelings of nostalgia or relief.
In a TikTok clip, Brooke Collins, a wellness coach and co-host for the My So-Called Healing podcast, said: “[Friendship Breakups] is not discussed, so you feel like you’re doing something wrong, like, Why can’t my friendship work, last, or evolve?’.” You’re ashamed to talk about it, so you’re very isolated.
You lack the necessary skills to deal with it.
Most people aren’t prepared to deal with friendship breakups the same way they are for romantic breakups. We’ve all been bombarded with advice about how to deal with a lost love, from having our family members bring out Ben & Jerry’s to celebrate a breakup with a high-school fling to reading Julia Roberts’ Eat Pray Love post-divorce adventure, not to mention the countless articles that explain recovering after a romantic split. There aren’t any well-known rituals or practices for parting with a friend. We’re left to our own devices in order to deal with our emotions and create closure.
Ask yourself these three questions before you rekindle a friendship
Breakups in friendships do not have to be permanent. Sometimes, people need to take some time apart before they can come together stronger than ever. It’s not as simple as picking up where you left off. If you want to reconnect with an old friend or reach out to someone after a recent fallout, you should ask yourself three questions first.
What caused your breakup and why?
You’ll need to deal with the past before you can move forward. Sorry, I’m not the one who makes the rules! You’re probably ready to reconnect if you and your ex-bestie are on the same page about what you both want from your friendship going forward. You and your ex-bestie will only need to catch up with what you both need from your company in the future as long as you’re on the same page.
If there are deeper issues behind your breakup, take some time to think about what you can forgive, what it is you can work on, and what your friend needs to do to get back together.
If, for example, there was an event that caused your breakup, such as a betrayal or a disagreement, you could not see past, it will take a lot of work from both you and the other person to resolve this conflict. You should be happy if you both think that you can move forward from the past. If one or both of your refusal to move on will lead you back to the same problems you faced in the past, then that’s great!
There’s also the issue of compatibility. You may not want to get together again if you and your ex-partner broke up due to constant bickering, the relationship feeling one-sided, or because of a toxic friendship.
Talking to someone who is impartial or a therapist can help you gain clarity if your desire to rekindle clouds your judgment and you are struggling to unravel all the complex emotions surrounding your breakup.
Why are you looking to reconnect with your friends?
It’s hard to admit, but simply missing someone does not provide a strong enough foundation to rebuild a friendship. “We often miss the past of a person,” says Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a psychologist and the author of Sisterhood Heals. She said this in a TikTok. “But, when we stop to think about it… we are not really interested in rebuilding our relationship with this person. “We really miss the person this person represented to us.”
How can you tell whether you are nostalgic or if you really want to bring back the F in BFF? Bradford says, “The first thing we should ask is: ‘What’s changed?’ What’s new about this friendship that was not there before? Are there any signs of a change in behavior? What barriers were there before? What would be different about the friendship this time? “The second question we should ask is: ‘Am I really invested and interested in rebuilding companies with this person, or am I just lonely?
There’s one last big consideration you should make if the answers to these questions still lead you to reach out to your former best friend.
Are you ready to be rejected?
Even if you are willing to reconnect, it may not be. Before you try to start a reunion, it’s important to accept that this is a possibility. You may reopen your breakup wounds if you try to reach out, but they are not interested in a future together. You may want to reconsider if the thought of it is too overwhelming.
If you’re emotionally ready, go ahead. Reaching out might give you the closure that you need to stop obsessing about your breakup. If things go well, you can repurpose the time you spent thinking about that person and instead use it to build a positive, new relationship that will benefit you both.
