Actions or words, which is more important? Steps are important, but empty words are not. When it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship, how you talk to your partner is equally important.
It is important to communicate clearly and effectively to be able to deal with disagreements within a relationship. Would you change the way you phrase things if you could step back to observe your conversations with your partner?
You’ll be surprised at the positive impact that mindfulness has on your relationship when you start to become aware of your language. Start by eliminating these six words or phrases from your vocabulary.
You always or you never?
You’ll never get where you want by telling someone that they “always” do or “never” will do something. These extreme words will likely cause your partner to react defensively and take their focus off the problem.
Replace “I love it when you… ” For example, Instead of saying that your partner never invites you to go out with their friends and you hate it, tell them about the time they invited you out. People love to be praised. They will do more things that make them happy rather than doing fewer things that don’t. You can also say, “I’d love it if… ” if they don’t do it.
Many of us use “always” when we feel that our partner does something to hurt our feelings constantly. The next time you find yourself in a similar situation, tell them how their actions have made you feel. You can use “It hurts me when you interrupt me” instead of “You interrupt me all the time.”
I’m sorry that you feel this way.
It’s not enough to say, “I am sorry that you feel this way.” This is a half-hearted apology. You should apologize for what made them angry, not just that they felt upset. Please don’t misunderstand me; you should always try to understand your partner’s feelings and where they are coming from. But the apology should be about accepting responsibility for what you did.
Instead of “I am sorry that I…” Use “I am sorry that… ” By using this simple apology, you take responsibility for the issue at hand rather than focusing on how your partner is feeling.
You can do a lot to make an apology sincere, but you should always keep your ego at bay. You should be mindful of the tone you use and focus on the real issue rather than just apologizing for ending the argument. Make sure you are clear on how you plan to change your behavior in the future and that these actions will be carried out!
“I don’t care”
Let’s face it: you do care. If you don’t care, you may not want to be in the relationship. It is important to be able to express your feelings and voice your opinion. We can learn to be more open in our relationships. The healthier your relationship will become, the more you’re able to express yourself. It is better to express your feelings than to ignore them.
Relax or calm down.
Would you like to be told that you should relax when you are upset? Nope, I didn’t believe so. It’s one of those phrases so deeply ingrained in our vocabulary that we can tell people to calm down instinctively just because we don’t understand their emotions. Do not assume that your partner is overreacting if they seem upset. You will be more effective in helping your partner communicate their anger if you stay calm yourself instead of telling them they need to calm down.
Name-Calling
In no circumstance is name-calling acceptable in a relationship. Take a moment to calm down if you’re feeling too angry or tempted to say unproductive things or hurtful words. It is not productive to call your partner a name. This will only escalate the situation and reduce any positive things you have to say. Name-calling is a long-term relationship killer that can lead to loss of trust and respect, as well as other harmful behaviors.
You can’t do that/this.
How can you be sure that someone will do something certain? Tell them that they cannot do it. Controlling your partner will only make you lose because, in a relationship, the only person that you can control is yourself. It would be best if you first consider why you are upset by something that your partner does. Instead of trying to maintain a situation, focus on how you feel.
Every relationship indeed requires boundaries. If your partner does something you find offensive, you should set a limit. It can be detrimental to your relationship and yourself if a limit is continually crossed. When a relationship reaches this point, it’s better to walk away rather than try to control the other party.
