You’ve probably seen two people find a way together, no matter their obstacles. If you’ve ever watched a romantic comedy you have likely seen them. It’s simple: They are in love. However, it’s not always enough for a relationship to last off-screen.
The feelings that romantic love creates can be so strong that they can convince people to leave unhappy, unhealthy, and unfulfilling relationships. A 2015 study showed that dopamine, which is associated with reward and makes people feel good, was released in the brains of people who looked at photos of their partners.
Julie Wadley is the founder and CEO of matchmaking service Eli Simone. She says that when people fall in love, they are driven by the drug, the endorphins. “The chemicals that tell you you are in love with someone are firing.”
Although it is a pleasure to be in love (and it is good news for your health), these feelings don’t necessarily lead to long-lasting, lasting relationships. Experts explain the signs it’s time to move on.
You are not being met
Wadley says that every person has their own “requirements,” which must be met in a romantic relationship. These needs could be emotional, like the desire to spend quality time with your partner, or functional, like the need for them to manage their money.
Wadley states that if one partner feels the other isn’t meeting a need, it’s essential that they communicate this to each other. Wadley says that if a partner doesn’t want to make an effort to satisfy a requirement, it’s time to move on.
According to Wadley, one of the main reasons people stay in relationships that don’t suit their needs is the pessimistic view society holds about being single. They may feel that if they leave a relationship, they will never find the right one. Wadley says this mentality is a waste of time and can lead to unhappiness. She says, “You could be spending that time to find someone who can give you the help you need.”
You are looking for those needs from others
Who do you tell first if you are promoted at work or when you have to deal with a family crisis? Wadley says that a healthy, fulfilling relationship should include your partner.
While it’s lovely to have colleagues you trust at work, Wadley suggests that if you find yourself constantly reaching out to your “work husband” or wife for support, this could be a sign you aren’t getting the help and guidance you need. Wadley states, “Something is wrong if you feel like you have to choose between talking to your boyfriend or talking to my friend (the guy who gives you the emotional affirmation you need).”
Wadley believes that if either of you or your partner seeks emotional or physical fulfillment from someone outside of your relationship, it’s likely time to end your relationship.
Are you afraid to ask for more from your partner
It is natural to be uncomfortable speaking with your partner about your needs and what you want from your relationship. Wadley believes that open communication is essential for healthy, long-lasting relationships.
Wadley says that people may feel like they are being needy or emotional. They suppress their feelings, avoid speaking out, and pretend to be content, fearing that they will feel like a burden.
She says, “Then something happens which breaks the camel’s back.” The argument that follows can be more destructive to a relationship than if it was addressed sooner. Wadley says that hiding your feelings about your partner’s treatment can lead to a more unhappy relationship than saving it. Wadley says that if you are unable to face your partner without fear, it is time for you to seek counseling or end the relationship.
Your family and friends don’t support you
Lindsay Chrisler, a New York-based relationship and dating coach, suggests that you take stock of the opinions of your friends and family about your relationship. She says, “If your relationship is not supported by the community, it’s a red flag.” Chrisler says that if the people you love and support see that the person in your life isn’t making it happy, it’s a good idea for you to listen to them.
You may be ignoring the concerns of your family and friends. This could indicate that you need to end the relationship. Chrisler says, “You’re beginning to lie to your friends. And you’re also starting to lie about yourself.” She says that if you are trying to isolate yourself from loved ones to avoid listening to their concerns, then they may be right.
You feel obliged to stay with your partner
A 2016 study that was published in Current Psychology showed that people are more likely to stay in relationships they have already made an investment in. This is similar to the “sunk cost effect,” where prior investments lead to continuous investment even if the decision does not make you happy.
Wadley said that “time does not necessarily mean success when it comes to people or relationships.” She also stated that many clients who are in unhappy relationships are reluctant to end them because they want to reap all the benefits of their investment.
However, simply spending more time with someone you love will not fix the problem. The relationship is not worth the effort of both partners to meet each other’s needs.
Your relationship has been going on for over a year
Chrisler says that when two people have been together for years or started a family together, they are more likely to try and solve their problems. If both partners desire a happy relationship, she recommends that they seek couples counseling. However, she cautions that you should limit the time between sessions to one year.
